I’m writing this as part of the monthly peace challenge posted by Everyday Gurus, which could not have come at a better time for me and my LOML (Love of My Life).
Every relationship has its ebbs and flows. Erich and I have been blessed with a very long and strong “flow” period. Our three year anniversary is around the corner and I have concluded we are just now coming out of the “honeymoon phase.” I used to fear the post-honeymoon phase, as if it were something to be avoided. I love my parents, but through their relationship they taught me what I don’t want and the fear of “ending up like them” has always haunted me. Over time, those nasty, unpleasant thoughts have bubbled their way to the surface and have begun to show their ugly faces. Petty arguments. Nit-picking. Under appreciation of each others’ gifts, talents and personalities. These are how our Shadows manifest in our relationship. It gives me chills just thinking about it.
Last week, the Shadows began to overtake us. I could feel a void growing between us and the idea of “losing him” fully surfaced in my consciousness. I realized I had been pressuring him and pestering him and doing all sorts of controlling, ego-based things to try to maintain control over our relationship. When it hit me it was like a ton of bricks, my Higher Self broke in and said, “this has to stop.” The only thing I could think to do was leave. So I packed up a few things, hugged my husband and told him I would be back in a few days. I went to my Dad’s and on the walk I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I knew I was doing the right thing. I knew this is what we needed.
A few days later we were both different people. I realized I could live without him and he was able to relax. Ultimately, we both decided it was time for me to come back, but something had changed and we both knew it. We are now aware of the projection of our Shadows onto each Other. It’s as if we are mirrors and as we clean the surface of our own mirrors we see our reflections in Others. I now understand that even though the honeymoon is over, the real fun is just beginning!
I want to take this opportunity to write you a letter my Love, my Husband, my Friend, my Most Sacred Mirror….
I do not wish to project my doubts onto you, to see you as a living embodiment of the parts of myself that I am too afraid to face. I do not wish to place demands and expectations on you. I want to love you, pure and simple. I am proud of my decision to marry you and will do my best to remember to see the real you. Last night, you told me that we are different people than we were when we fell in love. I agree that our egos have gone through many changes, but not our souls. The soul is everlasting, and no matter how many different masks we don or how many roles we play you will always be you and I will always be me. Our souls collaborated this scheme long before our egos got involved.
We fell in love when we were children, so anytime I wish to see the man I love I will look at you with the innocence and joy of a child. I will tenderly touch you with curiosity and playfulness. I will see you as you truly are: a source of beauty and inspiration. I will gaze upon you with the same affection I see in a beautiful dew covered field on a sunny morning. You are a part of the Divine Creation and I am grateful for the opportunity to share an intimate relationship with you.
In our daily lives we will play many roles: husband, wife, man, woman, hero, maiden, teacher, healer, friend and foe…but none of these roles define us. We are limitless beings with the potential to love unconditionally. Our love is a divine gift and I plan to treasure it as often as I can. As I continue to grow and expand my awareness, so too will my love and appreciation for you grow and expand until someday you are engulfed by the warmth and spaciousness of my Love.
Thank you for marrying me. It’s an honor to be your wifey.
Fellow brothers and sisters who have taken the vows of marriage, either in your heart or by law, I hope my story encourages you to listen to your self, to communicate openly with your partner and to have faith in your ability to love one another as you ride waves of change. Take care of your marriage, because if you can’t find peace at home how can you expect to spread it elsewhere?
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.