I write myself messages in my daily calendar at work. When I hear or read something inspiring that I want to remember I flip to a random future date and leave the message for myself to find later. I don’t fill everyday, usually once a week I find one. I guess I consider it a way to interact with synchronicity and enjoy the illusion of control.
Yesterday the message said, “Who are you to act small?” I am sure I heard it from Ram Dass or Alan Watts and couldn’t get it out of my mind. As you read the prose below, recognize that this is simply my consciousness grappling with an issue that will not leave my mind. No matter how hard I try to suppress it, the feeling that I am somehow important or special will not go away.
Hide and Seek
You make me laugh, Oh Great One.
I see you there, peaking behind the eyes of my Lover.
Looking back at me in the mirror each morning.
Why do you play such games?
Are you frightened of how I will receive you?
Does it bother you that I won’t accept my own Divinity?
Are you disappointed that I play the victim
and deny my True Nature?
Who am I to be your Angel of Mercy,
the speaker of your Truth?
I am not the Messenger of Divine Inspiration.
I am no Creator!
I am merely the consequence
of an act carried out eons ago.
A star bursting forth
in an arrogant supernova.
Spreading its matter throughout the Universe
boasting “I AM” for all to hear.
I am not that Star.
I am small,
but you tell me I am mighty.
I am weak,
but you tell me be strong.
Why do you torture me with your everlasting hope
that I will come to know my Self
when you know how much the Truth scares me?
I used to find refuge in the eyes of others.
They were the mirrors that showed me what I wished to see.
Mistrust in his eyes, assured me I could never be trusted.
Doubt works best, when filtered through the eyes of a friend or lover.
I’ve discovered your hiding place
and the knowledge has changed the whole game.
You don’t play fair.
You want me to love my Self
before I can fully love Others.
What kind of game is this?
Why can’t I neglect my needs
Who am I to spend time getting to know Me
learning to accept my Self
and enjoy the quiet spaciousness of my Soul?
Sometimes it feels like a dream…
and when I die I will wake up
and I will see You
and we will laugh Together,