My husband and I have been married for three years today, which means we have been together for five years and known each other for about fifteen years. I used to think marriage wouldn’t change anything. Three years ago we tied the knot just so we could have a big party celebrating our love. Our spiritual beliefs don’t require marriage, it just seemed like the thing to do.
Three years later, a lot has changed. We are such different people now than we were back then. We always agreed that we wanted to grow together, but I don’t think we really understood what kind of growth is possible when you have a healthy environment to grow in. Our home is peaceful, loving, accepting and honest. I have never really lived in an environment this safe before, and let me tell you, it’s terrifying!
What do I mean by that?
Well, the shift from dysfunctional to functional can be difficult and at times unnerving. In our case it’s took about three-five years for us to realize that we don’t have to hide anything from one another. We both kept secrets unnecessarily and perhaps just out of habit. We kept our doubts hidden, our fantasies secret and our personal goals separate from “the marriage.” It wasn’t until a few days ago that we finally flushed all that away and instead of seeing Erich as a walking symbol of “the marriage” I see him for what he really is again…my unconditionally loving and supportive friend.
For our anniversary I would like to proclaim to all that I’m sick of letting “the marriage” come between us. The traditional concept of marriage is too confining for us as individuals. We are too spirited and rebellious to accept the mold that was handed on to us by society. It may sound arrogant, but we don’t need traditional boundaries to have a happy marriage, in fact it’s just holding us back!
I read that the symbol for the third anniversary is leather, because by the third year the couple is aware of the strength of their relationship. Leather is tough and long-lasting, but it is also bendable and yielding. In order to withstand the tests of time a marriage must be as durable as leather: both flexible and strong.
I hope that as we grow as individuals our relationship evolves based on only one principal: unconditional love. Everything else are just conventions, and we hate those!
I am so excited to have learned how to embrace the new emerging elements of Erich’s Being, free of fear and restriction. I am fascinated by what he was, what he is and what he will become. He is as ever-changing as the seasons and I plan to stick around and enjoy the beauty of each one, year after year (if that’s what we both desire). I hope to give him the room he needs to grow and experiment as new ideas emerge and I trust that he will allow me the same wiggle room. I look forward to our times apart as much as our time together because I know that we will have new stories to share.
If I have a message at all it is this…
Your spouse is not a ball and chain. The only weights we carry are the self imposed adherence to our own beliefs. If you feel tied down or restricted, odds are you need to expand your mind. Learn to adapt your beliefs or embrace new ones. Be true to thyself. Don’t be afraid to grow beyond the limitations of conventional thinking. Don’t ever be ashamed of how you really feel.Communicate with each other freely and honestly. Love and accept one anther’s faults as you would want them to love and accept yours. Do these things and you may be able to create a new, mutual reality that allows you both freedom and support. Neither of you will ever be the same person you were yesterday. Learn to meet each other with new eyes each day.
I love you, Erich. Thanks for marrying me. 😉