Welcome to the first meeting of doormats anonymous. My name is Kaycie and I am a doormat.
I have been a doormat as long as I can remember. It’s like I was born with a sign on my forehead that reads “Complain here and I’ll try my best help.” Over and over again I listen to people’s problems and try to offer suggestions, things I think they could do to be happier, more balanced, healthier, or more joyful. I might even offer to do things for them if I think they need it.
I have good intentions. I want to help people. In fact I love helping people. Sometimes I think was born to do it! Unfortunately, there is a slippery slope between helping and enabling:
Perhaps years of unintentional enabling have led to my current doormat problem. I have learned to measure my value based on how much I believe others need me. I have picked up a desire to control other people’s behavior because, afterall, they need me to intervene and help them. Then, I go overboard trying to help them, effectively making their problems my own.
Here’s a great diagram to help clarify my problem:
Yep, I’m a classic codependent enabler.
But, that’s why I am here at this meeting. I don’t want to be anybody’s doormat. I don’t want to be codependent anymore. I want to learn how to help others without enabling their bad habits or dis-empowering them.
Now that I have identified my addiction I want to stop giving in to it. I want to live a healthy lifestyle. I want to measure my value by my own standards and not by how I perceive others think of me.
I would like to invite all other codependent enablers to join me and create our own 12 Step Program.
A twelve-step program is a set of guiding principles (accepted by members as ‘spiritual principles,’ based on the approved literature) outlining a course of action for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.
The world needs healers, not doormats, meddlers and enablers. I want to learn to use my gifts of empathy and compassion wisely and appropriately and it starts by identifying my problems and working through them one at a time.
Who’s with me?!