Welcome to my interrogation chamber.Together we will uncover all of your secrets and flaws and I will be able to feel powerful and important! Muah ha ha ha ha…
The Interrogator drama is one that know all to well. It is my primary control drama.
What are the trademarks of an Interrogator? They steal energy by judging and questioning. It is far more aggressive than the Poor Me and Aloof approaches. We get right in your face about stuff. We will use criticism to make you feel insecure and thus make us feel more powerful. As Rainbow Reiki Room’s site put it, the Interrogator ” can be similar to the Intimidator, but this individual will use constant and vigorous questioning as their tool to extract their Energy as your attention will always be focused on what you see as a compulsion to answer their every question. They probe, undermine, are sarcastic, needle, have infallible logic, self- righteous and are perfectionists.”
It’s a sick, twisted mind game, and I sad to admit that I’m pretty good at it, especially when I allow it to happen unconsciously.
Let’s hear what Redfield has to say about us,
In the presence of an Interrogator, we always get a distinct feeling that we are being monitored. Simultaneously, we may feel as though we are being cast in the role of someone who is inadequate, or unable to handle our own lives.
We feel this way because the person we are interacting with has pulled us into a reality where he feels that most people are making huge mistakes with their lives and he must correct the situation. For instance, the Interrogator may say, “You know, you really don’t dress well enough for the kind of job you have,” or “I’ve noticed you don’t really keep your house very neat.” just as easily, the criticism could involve how we do our jobs, the way we talk, or a wide range of personal characteristics. It doesn’t really matter. Anything will work as long as the criticism throws us off balance and makes us unsure of ourselves.
The unconscious strategy of the Interrogator is to point out something about us that gives us pause, hoping that we will buy into the criticism and adopt the Interrogator’s view of the world. When this happens, we begin to look at the situation through the eyes of the Interrogator and thus give him energy. The Interrogator’s aim is to become the dominant judge of other people’s lives so that as soon as interaction begins, others immediately defer to his worldview, providing a steady flow of energy.
I really hate that I interrogate. Usually my intentions are good. I truly, truly enjoy helping people, but when they neither need or want your help trying to give advice can turn ugly. I once had a friend tell me, “you know people aren’t broken toys that you are meant to fix.” Ouch. That hurt…but in that moment he was probably right. I was totally interrogating him and I didn’t even realize it!
How did I get this way? Well, I think that growing up with a Poor Me and an Interrogator I learned to get energy in my household by looking after everyone. I was the “good child” who got good grades, played sports, and helped around the house. I also became my parents’ unofficial marriage counselor and confidant. As I reflect now (with my BA in psychology and philosophy) it doesn’t take much of a stretch of the imagination to figure out why I developed into an Interrogator.
Here’s Redfield‘s account of how Interrogators pick up their manipulative habits:
Like the other dramas, this one springs from projected assumptions about the world. This person believes that the world is not safe or orderly unless he is watching everyone’s behavior and attitude, and making corrections. In this world, he is the hero, the only one paying attention and making sure things are done carefully and with perfection. Usually, the Interrogator comes from a family in which his parental figures were absent or not attentive to his needs. In this insecure void of energy, the Interrogator gained attention and energy in the only way possible: by pointing out errors and criticizing the family’s behavior.
When the child is grown, he carries with him these assumptions about how the world is and what people are like, and these assumptions in turn create that kind of reality in the Interrogator’s life.
Dealing with an interrogator may be difficult for some people, especially those who like to avoid confrontation. Aloofs and Poor Mes can be annoying and frustrating, but Interrogators can be down right intimidating when they get going. They also leave you feeling insecure which can make you defensive and aggressive. As an Interrogator, I appreciate Redfield’s compassionate and loving approach to handing our drama,
Handling the Interrogator is a matter of staying centered enough to tell him how we are feeling in his presence. Again, the key is to keep from assuming a defensive posture ourselves and to send loving energy as we explain that we feel monitored and criticized by him.
The Interrogator, too, may have several different reactions. First, he may deny being critical at all, even in the face of examples. Again, we must consider the possibility that we are wrong and somehow hearing put-downs when none are intended. If, on the other hand, we are sure of our perspective, then we can only explain our position, hoping that a genuine dialogue can begin.
Another reaction the Interrogator might have is to turn the tables and call us critical. If this happens, we must again consider whether the accusation is true. However, if, as before, we see this is not happening, then we must return to our discussion of how the other person makes us feel in his presence.
A third reaction that the Interrogator might have is to argue that the criticisms are valid and need to be given and that we are avoiding facing up to our own faults. Again, we have to consider the truth of this statement, but if we are sure of our position, several examples can be given to show that the Interrogator’s criticisms have been either unnecessary or inappropriately given.
Each of us will face situations in which we sense that others are doing something that appears not in their best interest. We might feel that we should ‘intervene to point out the error. The key factor here is how we intervene. We are learning, I believe, to make very unassuming statements, such as, “If my tires were bald like this, I would buy a new set,” or “When I was in a situation like yours, I quit my job before finding another and later regretted it.”
There are ways to intervene that do not take the person out of his centered viewpoint or undermine his confidence, the way the Interrogator does, and this difference must be explained to the Interrogator. Again, this person may sever the relationship rather than hear what we are saying, but this is a risk we have to take in order to stay true to our own experience.
Interrogators, like all dramas, seem to think their world view is the only perspective worth looking through. The problem is that because they are more aggressive they push others to seeing things their way, too. I struggle to find ways to truly help people without stealing their energy or pushing my views on them. I also struggle to stop judging others. I’m getting better. Slowly. 🙂
Fellow good-intentioned Interrogators here is my final message: