In this series of posts called “Tarot Tips for the Holidays” I am using teams of Tarot cards to help us explore common pitfalls we may face in the month of December. My last post encouraged you to take time for yourself and learn to receive the gifts others offer you. Each post includes a short guided meditation with one of the cards and some journal reflection questions that are meant to help you bring balance, peace and healing into your life so that you can enjoy the holiday season to the fullest! Let us take a look at what the cards say today, shall we?
Today’s Tip: It’s Better to Have Peace than to be Right
Chakras: Heart Chakra, Solar Plexus, Third Eye
Look at that smug face! He is so proud of defeating his opponents, but now he’s all alone. Soon his gloating will cease and he’ll realize his friends don’t want to play with him anymore. Sounds like a familiar situation?
We have all been this guy before. We started out just wanting to achieve a goal. It may have been to play a game, prove a point, plan and execute an event…etc…and our intentions started out so good! But then something happened. People showed up late, or not at all. An important item got broken or lost. Your partner won’t agree with you, no matter how well you argue your perspective. I could list a million things that cause us to go from “good intentions” to an all-or-nothing, winner-take-all mentality. Suddenly, we feel an insatiable need to be right or to have things go our way. Being in control feels good …that is, until it doesn’t anymore. When you start to feel pressure in your chest or throat, your stomach tightens or starts to churn, or your face gets hot and your head starts to pound that means it’s time to let go of some of the control and back off a little. Your body is trying to warn you “SLOW DOWN” “YIELD” “IT’S OK TO GIVE IN A LITTLE BIT!”
What can we do about it?
As I mentioned, your body does it’s best to warn you when you are moving from simply having control to being overbearing. Your heart, solar plexus and third eye chakras are usually the first ones to step up and try to help. You’ll feel a tightness or constriction in your chest, your heart will pound faster, you may even start to sweat. This is your heart trying to alert you that you may need to check in with it for some compassion, love and understanding. Your stomach ( Solar Plexus) might get queasy, reminding you to center yourself and have faith in who you are. It encourages you to dig deep and find your inner confidence and strength. Your third eye might get agitated too, you’ll get a headache or feel overwhelmed by your thoughts. The third eye wants you to keep things in perspective. Through the Third Eye you can connect with the vision of your Higher Self. Your Higher Self is loving, compassionate and wise.
Remember, you are not alone in the Universe, you are in relationship with everything else. Ask yourself, is the way I’m acting (or reacting) really aligned to how I want my relationships to be? Your body’s discomfort is a sign that your higher self is trying to communicate with you. I have found that the best way to respond is to hold your space, take a moment to center yourself. Just breathe. Create some distance between you and the situation at hand. Don’t take hasty action. If you aren’t sure what to do, ask for guidance and proceed slowly, gently or wait until you are more relaxed to take action.
Here’s how you can do that (I’ve included a fictional narrative to illustrate what I am talking about):
1. Remove yourself from any immediate stress inducing stimuli*
Narrative: Tom’s girlfriend is angry at him for picking her up late. She won’t even listen to his reason for being late, she is just too mad. He is starting to feel defensive and hurt by her anger, but instead of yelling back and escalating the situation he tells her calmly, “I understand that you are upset, but I need to get some fresh air. Then, we can talk about this some more.” Then, he goes outside.
2. Take some deep breaths, sit or lie down and ground yourself.
Narrative: Tom goes outside, plants his feet firmly in the ground, faces a large Oak tree and takes a few deep breaths. He feels that his hands are clenched and releases them. He notices tension in his neck and helps it relax. A few more breaths and his heart beat has slowed down, and his stomach is no longer churning.
3. Breathe. Just breathe.
Narrative: Tom’s girlfriend comes outside. She has not calmed down at all. In fact, she is even more pissed that Tom went outside. He continues to keep his feet planted firmly in the ground and takes long, deep, conscious breaths. He is aware of the present moment.
4. Feel your body
Narrative: Tom recognizes her agitation as she approaches, but keeps his feet firmly planted and continues to breath consciously. He notices that his solar plexus and heart react to her energy as she comes closer. His awareness of the changes in his body help him respond by telling his body to relax and he continues his conscious breathing. He reminds himself that he is calm and centered.
5. See the situation differently
Narrative: Tom listens to his girlfriend more closely now, he not only hears her words, but observes her body language as well. He also notices the emotional energy she is projecting, it’s not only anger, but insecurity and fear as well. Now that his body is relaxed and he feels safe and in control of his own energy, Tom is able to become a compassionate listener and bear witness to his girlfriends reaction to the situation. He is no longer defensive or hurt. By holding his own space he is now able to extend space to her, creating a safe, nonjudgmental atmosphere for her to vent her frustrations. When she is done being angry she starts to cry and apologize for yelling at him. Tom immediately offers her a warm embrace and tells her it will be OK. They soon get in the car and head to their destination, no longer angry or worried about being late, but simply at peace with the moment.
*Please note that you do not actually have to physically remove yourself from the situation. This can also be be done in the mind. However, when you are still learning what holding your space feels like it can help to actually remove yourself for a brief period of time.
Meditation and Reflection
This is the part where I give you a card you can work with in order to cultivate and increase the energy you’ll need to accomplish the inner work I’ve described above. I spent A LOT of time with this card and I believe she is part of hte reason I have
The Queen of Cups is a great card to meditate with if you wish to cultivate loving compassion, patience and receptivity. She is a great listener. She is warm and loving and does not judge. She can embrace the situation as it is, while still dreaming up the way it could be. She is a master at manifesting her dreams into reality. I think this has a lot to do with her patience and ability to receive. She can observe anger, resentment, fear and any negative emotion you throw at her with a clam determination. Then, she uses that energy to fuel her next invention…which is usually something beautiful and healing. She transmutes all that is given to her into art. Meditate with this card. Imagine what it would be like to use negative emotions as “fuel” instead of letting them weigh you down. Part of this process is letting go of the Ego’s need to take things personally and to “be right.” Peace, beauty, love and healing are more important than “winning.” Let the Queen of Cups show you how…
Peace and love to you and yours.
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